Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Elements of Safety
Today we explore:
Sports: Football, Lax, Sweet Lax, Hockey (goalie only), Baseball (catcher only), Basketball (Richard Hamilton only), Fan (only if sitting within punching radius of Ron Artest).
Purpose: To prevent balls from contacting one's face. (Insert punchline)
Confusing homonym pair: Same word also refers to an exfoliating mud when its splattered on a woman's face.
Fun Fact: No one has ever devised a fun fact pertaining to facemasks.
Unsanctioned Uses: Establishing a reign of terror over the children in a Chuck-e-Cheese ball pit, living and/or letting die, hazing the fuckin frosh.
Deep Thoughts: Without the facemask would fictional mass murderer Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th even exist? More importantly, would the film Freddy v. Jason have come to pass? What about the cottage industry of people who make throwback hockey facemasks for halloween costumes, what happens to them in this alternate reality? Please reflect...