Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Athletes: What are they thinking? Vol.2

Above: Artist's rendering of Dr. Wilhelm Goodrich
Resident psychologist and palm reader Dr. Wilhelm Goodrich checks in with a very special Christmas edition of "Athletes: What are they thinking?" So gather 'round the fireplace and roast your chestnuts on the good doctor's mind-melting analysis.

Larry Bird: "This red satin suit is silky smooth, just like my jump shot. Saaaaawiishh."

David Wells: "Guess who just farted in the Santa suit?"
Tommy Lasorda: "First I became a trusted figure in their beloved national pastime, now by disguising myself in this costume I'm almost indistinguishable from their most cherished ritual gift-giver. Phase 1 of Tommy Lasorda's Elaborate Plan to Enslave the Human Race is now complete."
Mr. Met: "All I want for Christmas this year is the ability to close my eyes. Santa can you help ease my pain? Oh and I also want a 'Bop-It.'"
Ray Allen: "Presents!" Kevin Garnett: "Candycanes!" Glen Davis: "Holiday ham!" Child: "Where the FUCK is Paul Pierce? You think you can dress up Patrick O'Bryant as Santa Claus and I won't figure this shit out? I may be 5 years-old but I'm not a damn fool. Don't smile at me Big Baby, I oughta shove my Jordan sneakers up your fat behind. Where's my fucking juice box?"

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